


The Ungraceful Art of Letting Go

by geeniusbar



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Cigarettes, Drug Abuse, Drug Use, F/F, Fred Weasley Dies, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, POV Third Person, Part of Collection, Rape/Non-con Elements, Recovery, Recreational Drug Use, Weed, high, its mainly lee/fred
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:34:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27366631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/geeniusbar/pseuds/geeniusbar
Summary: Fred Weasley and Lee Jordan are end game. Their relationship is easy in every sense of the word. It formed so fluidly, and even the pair couldn't pinpoint when they got together.And then Fred died.
Relationships: Angelina Johnson/Ginny Weasley, Lee Jordan/Fred Weasley
Comments: 3
Kudos: 8
Collections: Waterfall Connections





	The Ungraceful Art of Letting Go

Lee closed his eyes, his legs were dangling in the water. His head was resting on the cold, wet rocks. It had been months since he had been to this place, and yet still, he wasn’t quite there. It had taken weeks for him to work up the courage to even fathom the idea of coming back and another further two weeks for him to get here.

And here he was. With his eyes closed, he was listening to the rush of the water. And the overwhelming thunder of it.

Their waterfall.

Or what had been their waterfall, and now was only his waterfall. 

Tears pricked at his eyes, and for once, he didn’t fight them. Letting them flow, they fell down his face, and onto the rocks where he was resting.

He could almost hear Fred laughing at him, hear his glorious laugh, and feel his fingers poking his side.

But Fred wasn’t here. Now it was only Lee on the rocks. It was only Lee listening to the waterfall and the birds. 

Slowly, he took a deep breath in through his nose, and let it out even more slowly through his mouth. 

_ “Sleeping, Lee?” A voice pricked. “In a place like this?” _

_ “Bugger off,” he replied, his voice thick with sleep. His boyfriend laughed shortly, kicking his foot into his side. _

_ “Up. I want you to watch me jump off that cliff.” _

_ Lee opened one eye and trained it on Fred, “I’m not watching you kill yourself.” _

_ “You’re not! You’re watching me jump spectacularly off that cliff, and land in the water with grace and ease.” _

_ Lee snorted and rested his arm over his eyes, much to Fred’s instant displeasure. _

_ “Do a flip.”  _

_ “Will you watch if I do a flip?” _

_ “We’ll have to wait and see,” he replied, and Fred groaned, his foot connected with Lee’s side once more. He lifted his arm and watched his Toddler Boyfriend frown down at him. “Fine.” _

_ “You won’t regret this.” _

_ “I might,”  _

_ “I’ll do a flip.” _

Lee let out a sigh as he opened his eyes. He watched the clouds flow above him, with the sky the shade of blue he and Fred used to talk about. The blue sky where you could fly for hours and hours and never notice a second go by. The blue where you could sit under it, and talk to the person you love until the sky turns black.

_ “I bought champagne,” Fred said, legs over Lee’s. A cheeky grin spread all over his face. “But no glasses.” _

_ “So you’re telling the Frenchman to drink champagne from the bottle?” _

_ Fred winked and took a long swig from the bottle. Never dropping Lee’s gaze, their eyes connected. Fred let out a laugh and handed the bottle to Lee, “Drink up, my dear.”  _

_ “It’s been contaminated.” _

_ “You’ve literally sucked my dick.” _

_ “And?” he played, then took a swig from the bottle and handed it back over. “You aren’t jumping off the cliff today.” _

_ “Why?” _

_ “You’re drinking champagne, and then questioning why jumping off the cliff is a bad idea? And I had you pegged for intelligent.” _

_ “You flatter me,” Fred said, and then flopped down. He turned himself to lay with his head on Lee’s lap. “That cloud looks like a rabbit.” _

_ “Hm?” _

_ “It’s literally there, look.” _

Lee smiled to himself as a cloud drifted across the sky, and tilted his head to see a hopping rabbit. Every part of him wished that Fred was here with him to point out the different animals. Closing his eyes once more, he pushed himself into the water, and sank down for a few seconds. The running water rushed around him, his body fell to lay on the bottom of the lake for one, two, three seconds.

Then, he breathed out through his nose, and burst through the water.

_ “Marco!” Fred yelled as Lee dove into a strong freestyle. “Oi, Marco!” _

_ “Polo!” He yelled and ducked under. His eyes were glued to Fred’s legs as he swam past him. But Fred felt the different rushing current and dove down. His fingers brushed Lee’s back. Lee groaned and pulled himself up. Fred, now had his eyes open, grinned at him. Arms out, he pulled him in and placed his lips against Lee’s softly.  _

_ “Now spin, my prince.” _

The current was strong. He knew this. Normally – although this situation was far from normal – he’d be careful. He’d tell Fred off for acting like an idiot and refusing to respect the push and pull of the water. 

So today, in a way to mirror Fred’s behaviour, he discarded all respect for the push and pull. Lee let the current pull him closer and closer to the storming water from the falls. It pulled him under the water, tumbling.

Turning.

_ “I cannot believe you convinced me to have sex with you here.” Lee said, and pulled his pants up. He refused to let his eyes drift over to his naked boyfriend, floating like a starfish on the water. _

_ “I merely mentioned it, and then you kissed me. So, in reality, did you convince me?” _

_ “I cannot believe you.” _

_ “You love me,” Fred sang, splashing slightly as he swum. Lee snorted and dove in the water, eyes open as he swum up. Smiling as he eyed Fred’s rounded ass, his grin turned into a smirk as he wrapped his arms around Fred’s torso, pulling him underwater. _

_ In which, Fred instantly pulled out of his grip, placed both his hands on Lee’s face and pulled him in for a kiss. _

_ And then blew water right into Lee’s mouth. _

He pushed his eyes open.

‘Fred wouldn’t want you dead.’ A voice droned, sounding remarkably like Fred.

His feet collided with the bottom of the falls and pushed himself to the surface. His mouth opened before he broke the water, so he took in even more water. Not that he cared.

He wasn’t dead, but it hurt enough. 

Just enough.

He climbed up onto the rocks, where eyes closed. The sun beatdown on his face, the rumble like a lullaby as he sunk into a heavy sleep.

_ Lee Jordan stumbled towards the Weasley clan, who were in a circle around one body. Every step he took killed his leg, gasps of pain as he continued to take steps forward. Arrows shot up his leg. _

_ Don’t be Fred. _

**_It can’t be Fred._ **

_ Don’t be Fred. _

_ He limped forward, and his eyes fell on the body. He stopped. It looked just like Fred. It could have been Fred. He pulled his eyes upward, scanning the clan of Weasleys, before he pulled them down again. Lee’s eyes fell on the screaming twin. He scanned his face, eyes falling on the missing ear of George Weasley. _

_ It was Fred. _

_ “No,” he hissed, collapsing on the ground as he spoke. “No,” He wheezed again, and caused Ginny to whip around. She limped over, arms under his, pulling him. “Is it Fred?” he asked, his voice shook. Begging her to tell him no, it was George. Begging that the dead man was any Weasley but his fiancé. _

_ “Yes,” She whispered back, and Lee let out a moan he couldn’t control. His legs failed him. Ginny hissed Harry’s name, and within a second, he was at Lee’s otherside. They pulled him to Fred’s body, sat him across from George.  _

_ “Fred?” He whispered, begging the crying figure to turn around and pull him into a hug. But the figure remained. “George?” He tried, and the sobbing figure looked up, and wrapped his arms tightly around Lee’s neck. _

_ “He’s gone,” He mumbled. Lee shook his head. “He’s gone.” _

_ “No, no. No. No, no, no.” He mumbled, then pulled away and placed his hands gently on Fred’s cold face. Lee pulled himself to place his forehead against his fiancé’s cold forehead. “Fred. Please, please this isn’t funny. Freddie, wake up.” He pushed his forehead tighter against Freds. _

_ “Move,” a rough voice came, Molly’s hand on his shoulder.  _

_ “Mum,” George hissed. “Mum,” _

_ “Wake up, please wake up. Please.” _

_ “This family only, Jordan.” Another voice explained, Molly’s hand still tightly around Lee’s shoulder. _

_ “HE’S MY FIANCE,” Lee shouted, his forehead still pressed against Freds. “Please, wake up.” He whispered again, Molly’s hand loosened off his shoulder. Lee turned, pressing his lips against Freds.  _

_ The world went black when Fred didn’t kiss back. _

Lee’s eyes shot open, the sky above him was dark. Filled with stars, and the moon.

“Time to go home, Lee.” He mumbled to himself, pulling himself up. Ignoring the tears spilling down his face, turning on his foot and landing back at Angelina’s with a crack. Them turning and nodding to the couch. 

“I’ll get you some water. Have you eaten today?”

Lee sniffed, and Angelina froze. Now turning and facing him, eyes flicked around his face.

“I can’t do this,” He whispered, and now Angelina was holding his hands. “Every time I close my eyes I see him. Every time I sleep I see  _ it _ .”

Angelina sighed, their hands now on his face. Pulling their foreheads together. They didn’t speak for a few seconds, thumbs rubbing on his face slowly. Breathing in, and out as slowly as they could. Lee matching his breathing with theirs.

“It’ll be okay.” They said. “We’ll be okay.”

***

Lee pushed his chair back ever so slightly, tipping on it. Coffee cup in one hand, blunt in the other. His wedding band glinted in the sun, eyes pricking from the shock. His mind is still reeling from the nightmare from the night before. Him knowing his eyes were sunken deeper than ever before, and his face was pale. Hands shaking.

And all he could see was Fred’s dead body as he rushed towards him. The image burnt in his mind.

“Merlin,” He hissed, setting the cup down, standing up, and apparating on the spot. Landing with flimsy feet on the rocks. “Merlin, Freddie.”

His thumb pushing, and pulling the ring that he merged Fred’s ashes. Rubbing it, begging for his fiancé to be brought back. Just by sheer will of mind. Have Fred’s warm arms around him, his lips against his cheek. To hear his laughter, as his arm hung over his shoulder. 

To just have Fred. 

He let out a long held sigh, and closed his eyes. 

_ “If I die,” Fred started, his fingers bending over Lee’s. _

_ “Merlin, can we not?” _

_ “We’re in a war, Lee. A huge fucking war that I’m not sure we’re going to win. So excuse me for not being optimistic right now.” _

_ “Can we not  _ right now _?” _

_ “We’re talking about this now. Just,” Fred let out a loud sigh, his hand leaving Lee’s and rubbing up his face. Pinching his nose, sighing once more; “if, and that’s an if not a when, if I die during the war, scatter my ashes here.” _

_ “Why?” _

_ “Because here’s – here’s part of me. Part of me is at the shop, and part of me is here. Some of me will go to you, and some to George,” _

_ “You’ve thought about this?” _

_ “Of course I’ve thought about this!” He exclaimed, pulling himself up. Beginning to pace, his hand was still pinching his nose. Lee couldn’t bring himself to stand up, simply watching his boyfriend pace back and forth on the rocks. “Of course, Lee. My little brother is running around with Harry, my family is all blood traitors, I’m gay. I’m pretty high up on the list, so Voldy and his death pals won’t think for a second before killing me, or torturing me for information.” _

_ “You don’t know.” _

_ “I do know!” He snapped, screeching to a stop. “I was in the shop when they took Olivander. I heard it, I wasn’t seen because I transfigured myself into a fucking table, so when they walked past they didn’t take me too! Lee,  _ Lee _. We’re in a war. A war that’s bigger than any of us, a war that our friends and family are fighting in, and are going to die in. And I just want you to promise that even if we win the war, even if we lose the war, if I die...If I die, scatter your part here.” _

_ “I don’t like it.” _

_ “I don’t fucking care what you like or what you don’t. Just promise me.” _

_ “Fuck. You.” he spat, Fred laughing harshly.  _

_ “I’m taking that as a promise.” _

_ “No, fuck you for making me think about you fucking dying!” Lee yelled, tears sliding uncontrolled down his face. Fred glanced at him, eyes scanning his face. But he didn’t move to hug him, or comfort him. Instead, he continued to pace. _

_ “I’m being realistic.” _

_ “You’re being an asshole.” Lee hissed, Fred not reacting. “Just be your normal funny self, so we can forget the war’s going on. When I come here, I want to forget the outside world.” _

_ “Don’t you dare say that you want to forget the outside world here. My youngest brother is missing, he is with Potter. Percy is Merlin knows where, Bill was torn to shreds by a fucking werewolf and Charlie. Who the fuck knows what Charlie is doing. And my fucking sister is TRAPPED IN A TORTURE HOUSE. The only person I know is safe is George, and half the time I don’t even know if he’s fucking safe. So don’t you fucking dare say you want to forget the world. We’re in a war.” _

_ “I DON’T WANT TO LOSE YOU! Any of you. Merlin, Fred. Why is it so hard for you to understand that I don’t want to think about you dying?” _

_ “I will forget everything you said if you promise me. If you hold my fucking arm and promise me, that you will do as I ask with my ashes.” _

_ “I’m not making a vow,” He hissed, pulling himself up and offering his arm. Fred taking it. Shaking. “I promise I’ll scatter your fucking ashes.” _

_ “Good.” _

_ “Fuck. You.” _

_ Fred let out a soft huff, looking down. Then up once more with a smug grin on his face; “you would.” _

***

Sitting in the Weasley’s house hurt more than he anticipated. Everyone seemed to be glued to each other, engaged in conversation. And all Lee could do was grip his tumbler tighter than he intended. The ring that rested on his left finger dug painfully into his hand. Red and black swirling around the curves of the ring, as Fred’s ashes merged and danced with the drops of Lee’s blood. 

Lee kept his mouth tightly shut, just watching the family that was around him. The family that was barely a family anymore.

Not that his was any better. Not that his father ever talked to him.

But this place was the one place where no witch, wizard or wixen gazed at him in sympathy. Instead, everyone looked at him like he was out of place. Like he had no reason to mourn. That everyone else deserved to be there, but not him. 

Everyone but Ginny. Who was perched next to him until she mumbled her goodbye’s and ran off to fly.

Or go fuck Angelina Johnson.

All he needed was Fred to waltz through the door, pick him up by the hands and make the house shake with laughter. All he needed was Fred to give him a kiss, and a hug. To slap George out of whatever drunken antics he was in.

“I still don’t get why  _ he’s _ here!” Shouted Molly Weasley. Lee nodded at her, but didn’t move. The room filled with Ron and Hermione convincing her that he was okay. That he was allowed here.

And then she slipped away again.

Just as she had every hour, and her cheeks were redder than her hair. And as tipsy – and high – as Lee was, he could tell with ease that Molly was the drunkest person there. 

Despite it being 4 pm in the afternoon.

And then there was Harry and Ron. The latter who was only being held together at the seams by the former. And Harry seemed to barely be holding it together himself. 

“Jordan,” A voice slid, Lee glanced up and raised his eyebrows in surprise at Percy Weasley. Who was standing above him, “shall we go outside?”

“What?”

“Come outside,” Percy repeated. And too high and too tipsy to give a shit, Lee let Percy pull him up and guide him outside. The pair fell into an easy stride as they paced around the house. “I don’t think I could stand one more minute of my mother being near sick drunk.”

“She’s blacked out,” Lee responded. “And yelling at everyone.”

“Yes. Well. I –”

“Your father is too drunk to deal with her as well. You’re probably the sob –soberest person here.”

“You’re probably correct. But I don’t think my mother, or any of my drunk siblings, need nor want my help.”

Lee sighed, “you’re a lot like Fred.” his voice travelled before his mind. He paused, licked his lips quickly, and marched onwards, “he’s too – he was too hard on himself. Blames himself for everything, you know? He somehow figured out how to blame himself for George losing an ear. Your siblings need you more than you think they do. They need their older brother. I mean – Bill has Fleur, Charlie has his dragons. Neither of them are here –”

“Bill has a child, and Charlie lives in Romania.”

“Charlie is moving back to work at Hogwarts. You think I don’t know things, but I do. Let me continue. Neither of them are here. Ginny and Ron’s older brothers aren’t here to help. George is Merlin knows where probably getting hammered. You are here. It means something to them.”

“How do you know?”

“Because Fred would’ve appreciated it. He would – if it was the other way around. He would need his older brother.”

Percy let out a cold laugh and didn’t say anything more. Lee couldn’t help but to pull out his pack of cigarettes, and pull one out for himself and offer one to Percy. Who shrugged it away, and Lee proceeded to light it with the lighter from Fred. 

In.

Hold.

In.

Out.

“You – you make it sound like Fred liked me.”

“Oh, he didn’t. But he loved you. And he wanted to give you a second chance. He thought you were a tosser if I’m being completely honest. But he still loved you. And he wanted to give you a second chance and wanted to be brothers again. And the fact that you are here, he would appreciate it so much.”

“Is that meant to make me feel better?”

“I’m trying to tell the truth. And the truth is, he didn’t like you. But he loved you. He wanted to give you a second chance.”

“I’ll have that cigarette now,”

“I know I offered, but I’d rather not give you a free pass for a nicotine addiction. I think Fred would come back and kill me.”

“Maybe that’d be a good thing,” Percy whispered. “For him to come back, I mean. I didn’t mean–”

Lee let out a long sigh, “go inside, Percy. Help your mother. I can hear her vomiting from out here.”

“I didn’t mean –”

“I know. Just – go inside.”

“And leave you out here alone?”

“That’s the idea, yes.”

“You don’t have to give me a cigarette. But I’m staying here with you. Mum has everyone in that house to help her out, and to hold her. You’re out here alone. I’m not going to leave you.” Percy’s hand clamped over Lee’s shoulder and gave him a squeeze. “I’ll apparate you home if you want.”

“You’ve never been to Angelina’s.”

“You don’t – nevermind. Do you want to stay here?”

“Not really,”

“I’ll apparate you to my house. It’s small, but there’s nothing of Fred there,”

***

Lee lent his head back, smoke billowing in front of him. The nicotine helped to pull his mind so far away from the morning and straight to the present.

Not that he was happy about sitting in the present, but he was here. And he would have to deal with that. 

For now, at least.

George was late. Not that he was surprised, he was always late. However, this was almost too late for George. But what did he care? He wouldn’t have to share his cigarettes and hopefully, wouldn’t have to share his weed. 

He huffed to himself, pushing the cigarette down against his leg. He regarded it as it burnt before pulling it off, and stumping it on the rock.

“Fuck you, Fred.” He mumbled, pulling his blunt from behind his ear, and lighting it with a click of his fingers. “Why’d you have to go and die, hm?” He asked. His eyes glued ahead, even though every part of him wanted to look down and talk to the urn sitting next to him. “You’re an asshole for dying, you know that? Who’s meant to steal all my cigarettes and my lighter when I’m too drunk to light my fags with magic? And who’s going to offer champagne to the Frenchman to drink without a glass in sight?”

Fred’s urn was silent. 

“Yeah, don’t reply,” Lee mumbled, breathing in through his blunt. A crack behind him caused him to jump and stump it out. He breathed out the smoke from his lungs as he quickly hid it behind his ear. He didn’t turn around as branches fumbled and crashed behind him or even when a slew of curses erupted from the same direction. He reached out, grabbing Fred’s urn and stuffed it in the extended pocket of Fred’s jumper.

Lee only turned once the red-headed figure walked sloppily towards the edge of the cliff, eyeing it with delight. 

“George, what the hell?” He spat. George turned to him, a bottle in one hand. A bottle that he kept glancing at, eyeing it like it was his long lost love. “Don’t fall over,” He mumbled, George still eyeing the bottle. 

Lee pulled himself up with a sigh and walked over to George. His arms stretched out towards the red-head, “And give me that bottle. I think you’ve had enough.” George glared at him but flung the bottle into his hands. “I bought champagne, for later. But let’s just do this first.”

He did not want to do this first.

He’d much rather follow in George’s footsteps and down as much firewhiskey as humanly possible.

“Yeah, why not flush my brother down the toilet of nature like the shit you give about him?” George slurred, pointing his finger and stumbling towards Lee. 

Lee backed up and sat down, his head falling onto his hands.

“Sit, George.”

“Just flush him! Go on!”

“For fuck’s sake, George. You know as well as I do, that this was  _ his _ wish! We talked about this, all three of us. I know  _ you _ prefer to drown yourself in self-pity, but I’ll do whatever it takes to honour his memory. And stop acting like I’m fucking pleased about throwing his ashes here. He asked me to because it means something to him. It means something to us.” Lee let out a sigh, rubbing his face roughly, “Just sit down so we can do this together.”

“No.”

“I want to honour his wishes. I want to honour his memory.” 

“Blah, blah, blah. As if you had known him only half as good as I did.” George slurred. Lee closed his eyes, breathing in slowly. George was still speaking, but it was as though there was a thick curtain between them. His speech was indistinguishable as Lee continued to focus on his breathing.

_ “You’re fine, Lee. You’re fine. In through your nose, out through your mouth.” Fred whispered in his ear, hand on his hand. Rubbing circles. “You’re doing good. In….out.” _

“You left him! You left him to die by himself! So who are you to talk about honouring him?”

_ “In...out. You’re okay, I promise. In...out.” _

He opened his eyes, George’s harsh gaze was glued to him as he stumbled, and fell next to him. Lee was glued to the spot he was sitting in, half caught in a memory, he tore his eyes from his friend and looked up to the clouds. He tried to will his brain to enter the present. George’s heavy breathing mixed with the fall of the water, and the chirping of the birds. George pulled himself up, Lee watching him from the corner of his eye. 

He stood for a second, swayed, and fell once more, collapsing on Lee’s lap. Their eyes connected as Lee pushed him off, watching as George searched his face. For the first time since apparating to this place, he was calm. He wasn’t shaking or slurring. He was calm. 

And then he surged forward, hands behind Lee’s head, pulling him in. Lee froze for a few moments, too shocked to register what, exactly, was going on. His mouth moving before his brain, lips connecting with Fred’s. 

A hand reached around and pinched his arse.

His eyes snapped open. 

Fred never did that. 

He pushed back, hands on George’s chest, pushing him away. Broken brown eyes met his.

“Please, I know you want it as well! I can be everything you want me to. You can call me Fred if you want, I wouldn’t mind. Come on,” George said, to a now shaking Lee in his grip. “You want to as well.”

“Get your fucking hands off me,” Lee hissed, too frozen in shock to pull himself away. George didn’t seem to react, leaning in again. His lips touching Lee’s. 

He couldn’t move.

He was kissing Fred. Merlin, he missed Fred. His fingers reached around Fred’s neck, tangling in an icy cold necklace.

It wasn’t Fred.

It wasn’t Fred.

“I said, hands  _ off _ .” He hissed, his hand connecting with George’s cheek with an echoing smack. “What the fuck!”

“But you kissed me back!”

Lee couldn’t think. George was so close to him and he was so similar to Fred, it was like he was talking to him. He even smelt almost the same. 

But he wasn’t the same. He was George.

Not Fred. 

He had Fred around his fucking neck, maybe that’s what was pulling him in.

But he wasn’t Fred.

“GET AWAY FROM ME!” Lee screamed. George was unmoving, no reaction to Lee’s scream.With a now slightly aching throat, he stared down at his hands, blinking away the tears. Eyes glued to his violently shaking hands, red raised from his stomach and into his throat. He closed his eyes, trying to stop the red from taking over his vision. He let in a strained breath and let it out shakily, pushing down the red with each slow, controlled breath. 

“I want you to listen,” He hissed, his voice cold and controlled. “I want you to shut up, and not move and listen to what I’m saying. Do I make myself clear?”

George didn’t reply. Lee nodded, breathing in slowly through his nose, and out through his mouth. 

“I asked you to come because I didn’t want to do this alone and because I knew. I  _ know _ that if it was you we were throwing in, Fred would have asked me to come. So I asked you, and you show up drunk. Which I don’t really mind, but now it’s just adding salt to the wound. Sure, I brought champagne, but  _ fuck _ George! He’s around your fucking neck!”

“I –”

“I’m not finished,” Lee spat, now standing. His hands were shaking and he stopped himself, closing his eyes. One hand clenched into a fist, the other, held up, forcing George to keep his rather large mouth shut. “I brought weed to talk, so we could relax. So, we didn’t have to think as much to talk about my  _ fiancé. _ Fuck.  _ Fuck _ . I know you’re struggling George, but  _ fuck.  _ I’m struggling too, and I asked you so I wouldn’t be alone. I asked you because you’re my friend, and his brother.”

“But we’re the same,” George whispered, his voice weak.

Lee let out a dark laugh, turning to glare at George, “you’re nowhere near the same.”

“How would you even know that? Till I lost my ear no one could distinguish us, not even you.”

“That’s a fucking lie and you know it.” Lee hissed, clenching his shaking hands. “Never once –” He cut himself off, pushing his fingers into his palm, and breaking the skin. His body screamed to lash out and strike George again. His hands pulled him to just do it.

George was grieving. 

He was grieving just like he was. 

He was probably awoken by nightmares each day. He was probably plagued with memories just like he was. 

George was suffering too.

In through the nose, out through the mouth. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Unclench your fists. In through the nose, out through the mouth.

_ “You’re fine,” Fred’s voice whispered, his gentle hands around Lee’s. “We’ve got each other. We’re both fine.” _

‘ _ You’re not really fucking fine _ ,’ Lee thought grimly, bring his still shaking hands up to his face. He breathed a few more times like this, ‘ _ Nor am I because your fucking twin is hitting on me. _ ’

“Breathe, Lee,” he mumbled to himself, digging his fingers into his eyes. He pulled them away only to see George still sitting in front of him, and all the anger from moments before came flooding back.

“And...and because Fred would never try to fuck his dead brothers’ fiancé.” Lee dragged his hands up his face, pinching the bridge of his nose harshly. Knowing he was going to leave a mark. “Either you leave, or I leave.”

George didn’t make a sound.

Lee sighed, opening his eyes and glared at the man sitting in front of him.

“Goodbye, George.” He said, the waterfall disappearing with a crack. 

He collapsed inside of what was once he and Fred’s apartment. Flicking his wand, mumbling a few wards, he used the last of what little energy he had to ward George from apparating inside. Nor did he have the energy to ward the apartment from anyone else but him.

“I’m sorry,” He whispered to his ring, his thumb pushing the wedding band up and down his finger. The necklace tugged around his neck, heating up. “I’m so sorry. I can’t let you go just now. Not yet.” 

He curled himself up, pulling Fred’s urn from his enlarged pocket and held it gently between his hands.

“Not just yet.” He whispered again, pulling Fred into his chest, his eyes already heavy with sleep. He didn’t notice the figure that was Angelina Johnson pry Fred from his fingers and levitating Lee into bed. 

Nor did he notice as Angelina shut the door, and with a few flicks of their wand, cleaned Lee’s dirty apartment. And he would never notice as Angelina sat, with Fred in their hands, and a tall tumbler of whiskey by their side, tears spilling down their face.


End file.
